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Spotting the Signs

Domestic abuse is not limited to physical abuse, and many victims may never experience physical harm.

Some of the signs of domestic abuse, such as physical marks, bruises, cuts, scars and burn marks may be easier to identify. However, domestic abuse is not limited to physical abuse, and many victims may never experience physical harm. Perpetrators of domestic abuse have various ways of asserting power and control over their victims – the signs of some (especially those non-physical) may be more difficult to identify.  

Perpetrators of domestic abuse may use (this is not an exhaustive list):  

Physical abuse:

  • Hitting 

  • Slapping 

  • Punching 

  • Smashing objects 

  • Shoving 

  • Kicking 

  • Burning / scalding  

  • Choking 

  • Biting  

  • Using weapons and other objects to cause injury 

Emotional and psychological abuse: 

  • Blaming the victim for the abuse 

  • Withholding love and affection as a form of punishment 

  • Name calling  

  • Accusations of the victim being ‘too sensitive’, ‘too emotional’, ‘hormonal’ etc

  • Degrading or demoralising the victim 

  • Gaslighting (making the victim feel like they are going crazy) 

  • Minimising or denying the abuse 

  • Threatening to inflict injury / harm to self 

  • Threats to harm others (including children, other family members or pets) 

  • Using threatening looks and gestures

Financial (economic) abuse: 

  • Withholding / taking money 

  • Denying access to bank accounts / money 

  • Imposing an impossible ‘budget’ 

  • Hiding or taking funds 

  • Changing your will against your wishes

  • Undermining efforts to find work / study or refusing to allow work / study 

  • Making the victim beg for money or ask permission before spending money 

  • Taking out loans and / or mounting debts in the victim’s name 

  • Refusing to pay child support

Sexual abuse: 

  • Forcing engagement in sexual activity 

  • Refusing to practice safe sex 

  • Demanding sex and getting angry or aggressive when told ‘no’ 

  • Making the victim feel bad when they do not want to have sex / are ill / injured / tired  

  • Criticising / discounting feelings regarding sex 

  • Making the victim wear clothes they have not chosen 

  • Sexual name-calling 

  • Forcing to watch pornography or look at sexual imagery

Tech or online abuse:

  • Sending abusive messages, texts, or e-mails 

  • Constant phone calls 

  • Requesting to share location 

  • Limiting the victims access to phone / internet  

  • Sharing intimate photos without consent  

  • Using hidden cameras and microphones  

  • Accessing and controlling online banking 

Coercive control:

  • Isolating the victim from their friends and family 

  • Monitoring their time 

  • Monitoring their social media and devices 

  • Using spyware 

  • Checking up on the victim 

  • Accompanying them everywhere they go 

  • Controlling every aspect of the victims’ life, e.g., how they look, who they see, who they talk to, what they eat, how much exercise they take, when and where they can sleep, etc

  • Depriving the victim of access to support

Remember, domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender identity, sexuality, age, race, ethnicity, religion or disability.  If you feel you need to change your behaviour because you fear how your partner, ex-partner or a family member will react, this may be domestic abuse.

How would I know if I’m being abused?  

It can be difficult to know whether you are experiencing domestic abuse, but we have prepared a list of questions that may be helpful in spotting the signs.  

Have you:   

  • Felt or been told you should give up activities or hobbies to spend more time with your partner? 

  • Been told you should spend less time with friends and family and prioritise your relationship? 

  • Been avoiding upsetting your partner (walking on eggshells)?  

  • Felt responsible for your partner's happiness? 

  • Been apologising for the behaviour of your partner?  

  • Been doing things just to please your partner?  

  • Felt like you need to hide interactions with others because your partner is jealous? 

  • Been told it is always you, e.g., you are always wrong/late/screwing up etc.? 

  • Been told how to look, what to wear, where to go, who to see? 

  • Have you been confused and scared of your partner’s unpredictable behaviour?  

  • Felt they are playing ‘mind games’ with you?  

  • Felt or been pressured to have sex when you don’t want to?  

  • Been expected to answer phone calls and text with a time limit?  

  • Intimidated and frightened of your partner? 

 If you answered yes to any of the questions above, it may be possible you are experiencing domestic abuse in your relationship. Remember, you are not alone - we can help you. 

Get in touch:

Remember, everyone has the right to live a life free from fear and abuse.

If you're experiencing domestic abuse or are worried about a loved one, please get in touch.

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